Carver (2008)

Carver is derived from every other horror film in which five people are tortured and (possibly?) killed by one (or more) back country bumpkins. The actual reels filmed by the bumpkins as the horror takes place adds a twist but not enough of one to make the movie more interesting. Another twist is the addition of fecal matter which doesn't make the movie more interesting either.

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District 9 (2009)

What is the deal about District 9 (produced by Peter Jackson for that worth)? It was sometimes mildly enervating but ultimately not very appealing. I left the theatre twenty five minutes into it I was that bored.

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Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

I love Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow are blonde and blonder in this adaptation of a play I saw in Los Angeles in 1989 with Lisa Kudrow. It's funny and light, has Janeane Garofalo, Alan Cumming and Camryn Manheim in addition to the titulars, and the 80s music is to die for.

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Daughter of the Mind (1969)

Seances and sleeper spies (that's what they called them in the 60s) are at the heart of Daughter of the Mind, an ABC Movie of the Week which I had remembered fondly. Watching it low these forty years later, I was pleasantly surprised to see Gene Tierney in this story of a man (Ray Milland) who is being visited by the ghost of his dead daughter - the ubiquitous Pamelyn Ferdin. Not as scary as I had remembered, it does have an element of interest although the denouement was something I figured out way before the 90 minutes were up.

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Bonnie & Clyde: The True Story (1992)

The made-for-television Bonnie & Cyde: The True Story might have the facts correct but it doesn't have the glamour and excitement of its more famous large screen forebear. Betty Buckley steals the show as Bonnie's mother and Tracey Needham as Bonnie is fine (once you lose the memory of Faye Dunaway) but Dana Ashbrook as Clyde seems like he popped off the stage of an 'N Sync concert. Although the first half keeps interest it loses steam towards the end when the most exciting part, their death, is relegated to offscreen status.

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Small Sacrifices (1989)

Even at her best, it is difficult to separate Farrah Fawcett, the icon, from Farrah Fawcett, the actress, but, despite this conundrum, the first fair-haired angel is mesmerizing in Small Sacrifices, based on the true story of Diane Downs who shot three of her children in the hopes of gaining the love of a man. Emily Perkins (a personal favorite due to her appearances in the Ginger Snaps trilogy) and John Shea as her daughter and the prosecuting attorney (respectively) are Fawcett's equal in this intelligently scripted and well-directed television miniseries (that is currently out of print but sending me an email will get you a free copy). Small Sacrifices is three hours long so get your bathroom and kitchen desires out of the way as it is so riveting your ass won't leave the chair.

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The More the Merrier (1943)

You can't go wrong with a picture starring Jean Arthur but The More The Merrier adds the handsomely hunky Joel McCrea and the obligingly ornery Charles Coburn to create an adult (pre-Three's Company) comedy about roommates and love. The classic George Stevens directed the picture (about a housing shortage in World War II era Washington, DC) which, despite its age, still works. Watch for the rooftop scene and the scene where Jean and Joel walk home from their first date - if only they made movies this naively erotic and oddly romantic today!

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Idiocracy (2006)

Yes, Idiocracy is a screamingly funny movie about two people who wake up five hundred years into the future and find the U.S. of A. peopled (and run) by idiots but it's also prescient. Compare Joe Wilson's recent outburst in the hallowed halls of Congress to this film's House of Representin' or, compare Judge Judy and The Jerry Springer Show to this film's courtroom scene or, compare the health care reform fight to this film's takeover of the F.D.A., and you get a clear picture of where our country is headed. Writer/director Mike Judge pulled it off with great assistance from Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph, arguably the best thing about the movie.

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The Golem (1920)

If the story told in The Golem moved any slower it would be running backwards. Despite its reputation as a horror classic and pre-cursor to James Whale's 1931 film Frankenstein, Paul Wegener's (director and monster) film is overwrought, overacted and seemingly anti-Semitic - not surprising as it is, after all, a German silent film. The most interesting things about the film (whose story of reanimation is steeped in Jewish folklore) are its expressionistic sets, the cinematography by Karl Papa Freund, and the similarities it holds with the real time horror classic Pumpkinhead - yes, I wrote Pumpkinhead.

Easy Living (1937)

Easy Living is a genuinely daffy, Preston Sturges-written, Mitchell Leisen-directed laugh riot. Jean Arthur as the girl who gets bonked on the head by a sable (or is it kilonsky?) fur coat (starting a chain of events that leads to a stock market meltdown) demonstrates why she is one of the greatest actresses in Hollywood history. Edward Arnold and Ray Milland round out the triumverate exquisitely in this screwball classic that finally gave auteur Sturges enough clout to direct the next screenplay he wrote and Hollywood was never the same.

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Children of the Night (1991)

Had I ever seen Buffy, The Vampire Slayer I might think Children of the Night is quite like it: a different take on the vampire legend, well made, decent acting and interesting enough to keep you watching. It's also got Karen Black which is a plus. Although it teeters on camp I was surprised at how much I actually enjoyed it - even the poster has camp...I mean, class.

Quarantine (2008)

From the first shot of cutsie reporter Jennifer Carpenter to the next shot of the here-to-fore unseen television news camera man you realize that Quarantine (the remake of [REC] a nail-biting Spanish horror film in which for one, the camera man is never seen) has been homogenized; the former is a problem, the latter not so much. The rest of the movie is almost a scene by scene (as I recall) copy of the original with this unappealing woman at the center and a story that bypasses the religious issues of the original to appease a larger American audience. This is commerce, not art - go with [REC].

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Michael Clayton (2007)

Michael Clayton is an excellently creepy drama about corporate greed with a smartly written, complex story and characters. George Clooney has probably never been better and Tilda Swinton deservedly won an Oscar for her role. The only downside was the unwelcome (but admittedly small) supporting performance from Michael O' Keefe; ironically the second actor in the movie to play a romantic interest to Jackie in the situation comedy Roseanne with Clooney being the first.

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Troop Beverly Hills (1989)

A red-headed Shelley Long is the pampered leader of a bunch of pampered Wilderness Girls in Troop Beverly Hills, an obvious but nonetheless fun fish out of water comedy that seems to have taken on cult status; it came almost two years before the first episode of Beverly Hills 90210. There are no real laugh out loud moments and Long's character is just a jump away from Diane in Cheers but somehow it works - maybe its the outlandish Beverly Hills clothing that Phyllis Nefler wears or watching her Do The Freddie in high heels or getting soused on Evian water. Betty Thomas and Mary Gross add to the tension (or lack thereof) as the villains, and the Cookie Time rap is classic in a family B-movie sort of way.

Vantage Point (2008)

Everyone in Vantage Point is trying really hard to make this an important movie but in the end it spends too much time literally rewinding and rehashing the same story from a different camera angle. Ridiculous plot elements (like overweight Forrest Whitaker keeping up with, and recording, the Secret Service as they chase the bad guys or Dennis Quaid emerging unscathed from a horrendous car crash) add to the overall mediocrity of this Run, Lola, Run (which it kind of, maybe, resembles) knock-off. Ultimately, the movie lacks any complexity and the ending is a lot of Hollywood nothing.

Party Wire (1935)

Party Wire is pure, unadulterated Jean Arthur as illustrated by her line to the bank president upon being fired from her job: Don't worry. Christmas is coming. Maybe your wife will give you a dog collar. The story concerns small town gossips (who get their information from the telephonic party line) and, surprisingly, apes the much later written and produced Harper Valley PTA. The movie is well made and somewhat unusual with a cautionary conclusion that is still relevant today.

Public Hero #1 (1935)

Cutie (especially when his hair is messed) Chester Morris is Public Hero #1 after he goes undercover to stop the Purple Gang from marauding the country. The exquisite Jean Arthur enters the melee as the sister of the gang's leader and G-man love interest. The movie is very dated but it is interesting how they made the criminal a hero post motion picture code - and, of course, I do love me some Jean Arthur!

Ghost Town (2008)

The best thing about Ghost Town is seeing a romance between a man (Ricky Gervais) and a woman (Tea Leoni) that is not marred by a twenty year age difference. The movie is a sweet, fantastical ghost story with three appealing stars (including Greg Kinnear) and some intelligence. It's not the best of its genre (that honor probably goes to Heaven Can Wait) but it's in there trying all the way, for which it earns an extra star.

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Bonneville (2006)

Joan Allen, Kathy Bates, and especially Jessica Lange (who is heart-breaking in her role) are the triumvirate who give Bonneville its gas. These actresses bring the laughs and tears to this story about a road trip across country with an urn of cremated remains. It's not the most original movie I've ever seen but it's sweetly life-affirming and well done.

The Stork Club (1945)

Betty Hutton and Barry Fitzgerald are pure charm in this quaint tale of a hat check girl at The Stork Club and the millionaire whose life she saves. Hutton sings a few songs that became hits [including Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief and I'm Just a Square (In a Social Circle)] and lights up the screen comically. The love angle between Hutton and Don DeFore (yes, Hazel's boss) is a throwaway but Fitzgerald's waltz with Mary Young more than makes up for it.


See this movie for free online.

...Sweet Charity (1969)

There's something about this film version of the musical Sweet Charity that is just oft-putting although I'm not sure if it is the overproduction, Charity's overdesperation, or the film's overlength. Shirley MacLaine as the titular dance hall hostess is only middling and tends to grate as the film reaches it's denouement. The classic soundtrack (including Big Spender, If My Friends Could See Me Now, There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This, et. al.) is incredible but, like the movie poster pictured, the movie itself is just wonderful musical segments (directed and choreographed by Bob Fosse, no less) stitched together by an unsatisfying, confusing and outdated story.

...They (2002)

They is presented by Wes Craven as a horror film but with no real thrills where's the horror? The story, about children and their adult selves with night terrors, apes the much better Darkness Falls and becomes more annoying as it wears on. The PG-13 rating doesn't help because with no story and no blood and guts I ask again, where's the horror?

...Back to School (1986)

Rodney Dangerfield hits one out of the park in this classic comedy about a rich man who goes Back to School with his college freshman son. It is pure Dangerfield as the self-deprecating one-liners come so fast and furious that if you laugh, you might miss one. Sally Kellerman, a young Robert Downey, Jr. and Oingo Boingo add romance, quirk and music respectively but I'm telling you, don't laugh.

...The Rocker (2008)

Beginning with a wafer-thin premise, The Rocker does bring some genuine laughs after YouTube enters the mix. Rainn Wilson is Jack Black, Christina Applegate a 21st century Jean Arthur, and the high schoolers that make up Wilson's band A.D.D. are suitably nerdy (Josh Gad), emo (Teddy Geiger) and angry (Emma Stone) in this (almost) Capra-esque take on a wronged rock drummer who gets a second chance at success. It plays a little to close to This is Spinal Tap at times but emotions do swell (a little) when things are righted - which is not a spoiler in this type of movie.

...Island of the Dead (2000)

Island of the Dead is a direct to DVD release with a fascinating concept and not much execution. Despite the title there are no zombies - only flies (a la The Swarm) that protect the dead on New York's Hart Island, a real island east of the Bronx which is a cemetery for the unknown corpses that pile up in the Big Apple. The movie plods along rather slowly but I did finish it and am now dying to go to Hart Island although this was not filmed there and the general public is not allowed.