Pinky (1949)

Jeanne Crain, Ethel Waters and Ethel Barrymore were rightfully nominated for Academy Awards (Actress, Supporting Actress and Supporting Actress, respectively) for Pinky, a predictable but sincere look at racism in the United States. Considering the time it was made, the story of a light-skinned black woman returning to her southern home town does not shy away from controversial issues but, the film does have some controversial issues of its own (casting a white actress to play the central black character, stereotypical characterizations on both sides of the color spectrum, pat situations, and a predictable Hollywood ending, for example). Still, director Elia Kazan's use of light, shadows and the camera (in general) and good supporting performances (including but not limited to Evelyn Varden and Nina Mae McKinney) still make the film a worthwhile experience.

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Eaten Alive (1977)

Even the good people act batshit crazy before being Eaten Alive in this faux Psycho thriller which adds a huge crocodile to the dilapidated hotel mix. Tobe Hooper's second film (starting a downward spiral that continued with The Funhouse) is dark, weird and just not scary. Most inexplicably (in a film of inexplicable wigs and alternate titles) is why this hotel, run by the monologue spouting Neville Brand and seemingly located deep within some Okeefenokee swamp, has so many patrons - Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, Robert Englund, Janus Blythe, Kyle Richards and William Finley all stop by for a rest while Stuart Whitman and Carolyn Jones stay on the outskirts.

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The Handmaid's Tale (1990)

Made almost twenty years ago, The Handmaid's Tale is prescient in its depiction of religious extremism and its takeover of a nation. Ultimately though its a barren film adaptation of the Margaret Atwood novel about barren women and the handmaids who procreate for them. Natasha Richardson, Robert Duvall, Faye Dunaway and Aidan Quinn all do a fine job and the film holds interest but it is emotionless.

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Return to Horror High (1987)

A cornucopia of B-listers (Vince Edward, Scott Jacoby, Philip McKeon, Alex Rocco and Maureen McCormick) and one pre A-list A-lister (George Clooney) Return to Horror High for this confusing spoof of slasher movies which has no real violence but sheds loads of blood. In a way (a long way) it reminded me of Robert Altman's The Player but this one is a really bad movie. Clooney comes and goes very quickly (probably had a call for The Facts of Life) and McCormick is actually pretty funny but even she can't save this piece of trash.

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Roswell (1994)

Roswell takes an interesting theory about the government coverup of a flying saucer crash and makes it a bore without shedding any light on the actual incident one way or the other. Kyle MacLachlan, Martin Sheen, Dwight Yoakum and a host of well-known faces (if not names) do their best but the film just has no drama. If this story is, in fact, true a documentary would have been a better outlet.

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Chapter Two (1979)

Chapter Two has not aged well despite the poster's proclamation of it being a very special movie from Neil Simon. James Caan is miscast as a Neil Simon type writer getting over the death of his first wife with shrill Marsha Mason as a Neil Simon type second wife (a role she played in real life before their divorce) and Valerie Harper as a Neil Simon type anorexic looking best friend. It's overlong and underwritten (by Neil Simon) but ends with a nice surprise as Marilyn McCoo sings the trite theme I'm On Your Side over the credits - not a good place for an audience to start taking notice of a film.

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The Player (1992)

Only Robert Altman could make The Player, a film that has all the elements needed to market a film successfully (suspense, laughter, violence, hope, heart, nudity, sex, happy ending and no reality) but is quirkily unmarketable because it has none of the elements needed to market a film successfully - except big stars in cameos (Cher, Julia Roberts, Harry Belafonte, Sidney Pollack, Joel Grey, Bruce Willis, Sally Kellerman and Susan Sarandon to name a few). Tim Robbins, Greta Scaachi and Whoopi Goldberg are the real actors that spearhead the plot which contains a mystery (that is solved only if you pay real close attention) within a comedy that is not meant to be laugh out loud funny. Reality is so entwined with fantasy though that you can't help getting caught up in Altman's love affair with Hollywood.

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Alice in Wonderland (2010)

The problem with Alice in Wonderland is that its interest lies primarily in the computer generated images and not the story (which apes other films like The Golden Compass or the Lord of the Rings trilogy). Helena Bonham Carter is quite good (although her head is most distracting), Anne Hathaway seems a bit lost, Johnny Depp has a lisp that disappears and reappears and Mia Wasikowska is fine although someone might've mentioned to Tim Burton that aging the main character ten years in a beloved children's tale doesn't endear itself to those who know the original (see Diana Ross in The Wiz). It wasn't horrible but it certainly wasn't worth the price of admission either.

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Oliver (1968)

More than forty years after winning the Academy Awards for Best Picture and Best Director (Carol Reed) Oliver is still tuneful, colorful, and frightful. Anchored by commanding performances from Ron Moody and Jack Wild (Oscar nominees), Shani Wallis, Mark Lester (whose singing was dubbed by a girl) and especially Oliver Reed (hired to play the dark, villainous Bill Sykes by his director uncle), it's a wonderful journey to a lost time. It is rather long so turn off all the lights, shut off the phone and put a sign on the door that you are not to be disturbed and lose yourself in Charles Dickens' story of Oliver Twist enhanced with an excellent cachet of songs by Lionel Bart (including It's A Fine Life, As Long As He Needs Me, Who Will Buy, Oom Pah Pah, Consider Yourself, Food Glorious Food, Reviewing The Situation and Pick a Pocket Or Two).

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Cabin Fever (2002)

I'm not sure if Cabin Fever is a metaphor for the AIDS epidemic, a treatise on society's transformation into selfishness or a horror film about a latent skin virus with no ulterior motive but it's interesting nonetheless. It offers the usual inbred redneck hicks, unethical mountain cops and partying college students so is not very original but an appealing cast (including Cheryl Ladd's daughter Jordan) does manage to bring it to life. Eli Roth should be proud of his directorial debut and it does imply one important point we should all remember for the coming viral apocalypse: keep a bottle of Listerine on hand.

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The Kid Stays In The Picture (2002)

In his own words and with clips from the films he produced, Robert Evans tells his own story in The Kid Stays In The Picture. It's a fascinating story with many juicy Hollywood stories and, despite a seemingly huge ego, Evans endears himself. Based on his autobiography, it's one of the few movies I've seen that makes me want to go back and read the book.

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The Funhouse (1981)

The Funhouse is a mundane horror film directed by Tobe Hooper - he of the much less mundane (and much more original) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version). Seven years after the classic Hooper has remained static in his filmmaking knowledge; in fact, he might have lost some precious abilities because this clinker about four kids trapped in a carnival funhouse has no thrills or blood. It's also badly acted except of course for the always-the-same-but-always entertaining Sylvia Miles playing, what else, a prostitute.

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Definitely Maybe (2008)

Definitely Maybe is definitely a wonderfully romantic movie; maybe even one of the best I've seen. Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin have great chemistry as the father (the former) telling his daughter (the latter) the story of how he met her mother (either Elizabeth Banks, Isla Fisher or Rachel Weisz). The story, though not that suspenseful, is endearing and the characters are fleshed out by some nice comic performances especially a small yet pivotal role played by Kevin Kline.

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Call Me Madam (1953)

Ethel Merman pulls out the stops as a pastiche of Groucho Marx and Mae West (while keeping it all Ethel) in Call Me Madam. Ethel, Donald O'Connor, George Sanders [quelle surprise!] and Vera-Ellen sing and dance the hell out of the Irving Berlin songs [What Chance Have I With Love, The International Rag, It's A Lovely Day Today, The Hostess With The Mostes' On The Ball, The Best Thing For You and the phenomenal Merman/O'Connor duet (I Wonder Why) You're Just In Love] which together with the art direction, costumes and exuberance make this film intoxicating. The story line is somewhat slight but it has an emotional core that resonates and, of course, it has the Merm.

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The Ice Storm (1997)

I thought The Ice Storm was going to be a first-rate drama but it all seems very calculated. Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, et al. turn up the heat on the acting skills like it's an important film but aye, there's the rub - everyone is acting. Too much of that heat definitely melted this ice.

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Foxes (1980)

Foxes is an honest (if nothing else) story of how four teenage girls (Jodie Foster, Cherie Currie, Marilyn Kagan, Kandice Stroh) survive against all odds, including drugs, alcohol, boys, abusive or absent fathers and, neglectful or cold mothers (one of the latter played by Sally Kellerman). This was director Adrian Lyne's first film about surviving against all odds (before Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct) and because of its almost documentarian feel works as a time capsule (if nothing else). Music from the film actually took in bigger consumer dollars in 1980 with Donna Summer's huge hit On The Radio, and semi-hits from producer Giorgio Moroder, Cher and Grammy-nominated Janis Ian, played a lot - um - on the radio.

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The Snake Pit (1948)

Olivia De Havilland is still remarkable as a mentally ill woman in The Snake Pit despite the fact that mentally ill as it is depicted here is akin to my mother going food shopping today. Yes, the film is dated but that is not the fault of our lead actress who was deservingly nominated for an Academy Award. Watch it with a grain of salt or maybe a Prozac.

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Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell (1968)

Gina Lollobridgida and the extremely colorful art direction are the only reasons to see Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell, a none-too-funny comedy about an Italian woman who doesn't know which of the three American soldiers that she shtupped during World War Two is the father of her now sixteen year old daughter (Janet Margolin). The supporting cast (including Shelley Winters, Telly Savalas, Peter Lawford, Lee Grant and Phil Silvers) play the non-existent jokes much too broadly - both of which (cast and jokes) can be blamed only on director and co-writer Melvin Frank. Fortunately, Frank also hired Lollobridgida who is stunning and likable despite the sour script (which was used thirty years later as the basis for the ABBA musical, Mamma Mia.)

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Aparecidos (2007)

Engrossing and surprising, Aparecidos (The Appeared) is a political ghost story from Argentina based on historical fact. Writer/director Paco Cabezas has fashioned a film with a strong message that is applicable to many different countries during many different eras and cast the excellent Ruth Diaz as an attorney who finds out a little too much about her father's past on the way to pull his plug. There's not too much blood in this offbeat gem so don't let that keep you from searching it out.

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Resurrection (1999)

Bad casting choices might spoil the outcome of Resurrection for some but it's still a creepy watch (helmed by 80s music video director - yes, Duran Duran - Russell Mulcahy) about a serial killer who is rebuilding the body of Christ for the titular event. Kudos are deserved by executive producer, co-writer and star Christopher Lambert despite his somewhat distracting Schwarzenegger-esque accent. Add a star if you've never seen Leland Orser or Robert Joy in a movie.

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Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

Sassy Jane Russell and sweet Marilyn Monroe bring their many charms to this wonderful film of the Broadway musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Howard Hawks directs the lively, colorful, entertaining and tuneful tale about two showgirls looking for love (and money) into a frothy and uncomplicated soiree. Monroe's iconic Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend, Russell's so-hot-they-needed-a-pool Ain't There Anyone Here For Love and the duet Two Little Girls From Little Rock show how neither woman has ever been better - and not many films have either.

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Ghost Ship (2002)

The first five minutes of Ghost Ship is an extraordinarily creepy exercise in horror and the story that follows, though not as consistent, offers a goodly share of twists and scares. Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies and Ron Eldard play the crew of a salvage ship that finds the titular vessel floating in the Bering Strait. Add some good effects (both traditional and computer generated) and decent acting (including Australian horror teen queen Emily Browning) and this ship does a good job of staying afloat.

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Valentine (2001)

Valentine is a red (pun intended) herring horror film in which we are diverted from the real killer's identity until the movie's end - or in my case, about 15 minutes before it. Since most horror films play out in the same way, it isn't the most original premise but the acting by Denise Richards (!), David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton and the rest keeps the momentum. If you're alone on this day of love, it beats Romeo and Juliet.

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William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet (1996)

It's not the anachronism that spoils Baz Luhrman's William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet but the casting of actors that don't understand the cadence of Elizabethan English - and this includes Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes as the star-crossed lovers. Miriam Margolyes as the nurse, Pete Postlethwaite as the priest, and Brian Dennehy as Ted Montague fair best (with a nod to whipper-snapper John Leguizamo as Tybalt) but the film might have been more palletable had Luhrman used modern English or cast actors that have experience speaking Shakespeare's words. It's not a tragedy but it is not a very engrossing watch.

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Only When I Laugh (1981)

Neil Simon should have done more research about alcoholism before writing Only When I Laugh because Marsha Mason does not live (or in this case, act) like any alcoholic that I've known (and I've known a few). The script is dated, full of stagey one-liners in place of characterization and ends sappily with a metaphoric Hollywood hug between Mason and her chip-off-the-old-block daughter, Kristy McNichol. The saving graces are the supporting performances from James Coco and Joan Hackett who bring truth to their contrived lines.

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