The Girl Who Played With Fire (2009)

Fifteen minutes into The Girl Who Played With Fire I knew I was in trouble: the plot was obvious, the action moved slowly, and everything was so simplistic - do you really get the location of a villain by mailing to a post office box a you win $100,000 letter to which the villain will respond with their address to collect the money? Is it that easy? An hour into this more than two hour movie I had already opened my phone to check the time twice, and I was screaming (internally) to leave the theatre but, I had history with these characters (having enjoyed the first film) so I stayed until the bitter end none the worse for...ahhh who are we kidding, it sucked.

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Claudine (1974)

Claudine is still as delightful a romantic comedy as they come. The story of a mother of six (played with subtlety and nuance by Academy Award nominee Diahann Carroll) being romanced by a garbage man (a smoking James Earl Jones showing off his hiney!) has aged amazingly well: the look of the film is not dated, the issues it confronts are relevant, and the script's heart stands front and center. Add an incredible score by Curtis Mayfield with Gladys Knight and the Pips and you get a real classic with heart and soul - can you dig it?

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Myra Breckinridge (1970)

Raquel Welch (looking breathtaking and showing some real acting chops as a transsexualvestite) and Mae West (hootworthy, singing songs and vamping with Tom Selleck) are the reasons to see Myra Breckinridge. A lot of other names show up as actors (John Huston, Farrah Fawcett, Rex Reed, John Carradine) and icons in black and white film clips (Judy Garland, Laurel & Hardy) and there's male rape, lesbian seduction, dirty medicine and a whole bunch more that, though interesting to see in a historical context, just doesn't add up to a good movie. What made the thing watchable is knowing that no major Hollywod studio would ever make a film like this again; it's a moment in time.

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Escape from Sobibor (1987)

Escape from Sobibor is a triumphant mini-series that tells the story of the only prisoners (both Jewish and non) to escape from a Nazi death camp during WW2. Alan Arkin and Rutger Hauer are excellent as the conspirators and the film itself, though undoubtedly too pretty to be a real document of a concentration camp, still manages to create a horrific picture of the situation. Even in its violence, the denouement is uplifting and well-documented by this British television production.

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This Property is Condemned (1966)

Natalie Wood and Robert Redford steam up the screen (as they say) in This Property is Condemned, the story of a small Depression-era town that is losing its sole source of revenue - the railroad. The film is based on a Tennessee Williams one act (and reportedly dissed by him upon its release) but is elevated by the star performances and cinematographer James Wong Howe. Kate Reid, Charles Bronson, Robert Blake and Mary Badham (she of To Kill A Mockingbird/Scout fame) offer excellent support but it's the star romance that makes this one so involving.

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The Box (2009)

Richard Kelly directed Donnie Darko, a four star piece of esoterica as well as The Box, a little less successful but still an interesting watch. After a shaky start with a weird accent, Cameron Diaz settles in as a woman who, with James Marsden as her husband, pushes a button on Frank Langella's box for one million dollars. It takes some interesting turns and can be a bit confusing but it kept me until the end...twice.

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All About Steve (2009)

I enjoy watching Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper but I did not enjoy watching their comedy, All About Steve. It wasn't funny or involving, the leads had no chemistry, and the script is ridiculous. The movie poster is better than this movie - and look how horrible the poster is.

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A Raisin in the Sun (1961)

A Raisin in the Sun is one of the best films of the 60s based on one of the best plays of the 50s that is still as relevant today as it was almost fifty years ago. The emotional resonance in the story of an African-American family that comes into a large sum of money also offers incredible and indelible performances by Sidney Poitier, Claudia MacNeil, Ruby Dee, Diana Sands and Louis Gosset, Jr. (in his film debut). Don't let the black and white cinematography steer you away from this magnificent film that looks and feels as if it was released yesterday.

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With Six You Get Eggroll (1968)

A surprisingly robust drama is molded to fit the fabric of a Doris Day comedy in With Six You Get Eggroll. Set in the real swinging sixties (with an appearance from The Grass Roots), it tells a relatively honest tale of two people who marry quickly and must then merge their respective families (including a teenaged Barbara Hershey in her film debut). The story moves along despite the circumstances that always stop short of an onscreen shtup between Ms. Day and her co-star, Brian Keith but it's a sweet film that is a fitting cap to Ms. Day's illustrious career (to date, this is her last film).

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Pinky (1949)

Jeanne Crain, Ethel Waters and Ethel Barrymore were rightfully nominated for Academy Awards (Actress, Supporting Actress and Supporting Actress, respectively) for Pinky, a predictable but sincere look at racism in the United States. Considering the time it was made, the story of a light-skinned black woman returning to her southern home town does not shy away from controversial issues but, the film does have some controversial issues of its own (casting a white actress to play the central black character, stereotypical characterizations on both sides of the color spectrum, pat situations, and a predictable Hollywood ending, for example). Still, director Elia Kazan's use of light, shadows and the camera (in general) and good supporting performances (including but not limited to Evelyn Varden and Nina Mae McKinney) still make the film a worthwhile experience.

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Eaten Alive (1977)

Even the good people act batshit crazy before being Eaten Alive in this faux Psycho thriller which adds a huge crocodile to the dilapidated hotel mix. Tobe Hooper's second film (starting a downward spiral that continued with The Funhouse) is dark, weird and just not scary. Most inexplicably (in a film of inexplicable wigs and alternate titles) is why this hotel, run by the monologue spouting Neville Brand and seemingly located deep within some Okeefenokee swamp, has so many patrons - Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, Robert Englund, Janus Blythe, Kyle Richards and William Finley all stop by for a rest while Stuart Whitman and Carolyn Jones stay on the outskirts.

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The Handmaid's Tale (1990)

Made almost twenty years ago, The Handmaid's Tale is prescient in its depiction of religious extremism and its takeover of a nation. Ultimately though its a barren film adaptation of the Margaret Atwood novel about barren women and the handmaids who procreate for them. Natasha Richardson, Robert Duvall, Faye Dunaway and Aidan Quinn all do a fine job and the film holds interest but it is emotionless.

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Return to Horror High (1987)

A cornucopia of B-listers (Vince Edward, Scott Jacoby, Philip McKeon, Alex Rocco and Maureen McCormick) and one pre A-list A-lister (George Clooney) Return to Horror High for this confusing spoof of slasher movies which has no real violence but sheds loads of blood. In a way (a long way) it reminded me of Robert Altman's The Player but this one is a really bad movie. Clooney comes and goes very quickly (probably had a call for The Facts of Life) and McCormick is actually pretty funny but even she can't save this piece of trash.

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Roswell (1994)

Roswell takes an interesting theory about the government coverup of a flying saucer crash and makes it a bore without shedding any light on the actual incident one way or the other. Kyle MacLachlan, Martin Sheen, Dwight Yoakum and a host of well-known faces (if not names) do their best but the film just has no drama. If this story is, in fact, true a documentary would have been a better outlet.

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Chapter Two (1979)

Chapter Two has not aged well despite the poster's proclamation of it being a very special movie from Neil Simon. James Caan is miscast as a Neil Simon type writer getting over the death of his first wife with shrill Marsha Mason as a Neil Simon type second wife (a role she played in real life before their divorce) and Valerie Harper as a Neil Simon type anorexic looking best friend. It's overlong and underwritten (by Neil Simon) but ends with a nice surprise as Marilyn McCoo sings the trite theme I'm On Your Side over the credits - not a good place for an audience to start taking notice of a film.

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The Player (1992)

Only Robert Altman could make The Player, a film that has all the elements needed to market a film successfully (suspense, laughter, violence, hope, heart, nudity, sex, happy ending and no reality) but is quirkily unmarketable because it has none of the elements needed to market a film successfully - except big stars in cameos (Cher, Julia Roberts, Harry Belafonte, Sidney Pollack, Joel Grey, Bruce Willis, Sally Kellerman and Susan Sarandon to name a few). Tim Robbins, Greta Scaachi and Whoopi Goldberg are the real actors that spearhead the plot which contains a mystery (that is solved only if you pay real close attention) within a comedy that is not meant to be laugh out loud funny. Reality is so entwined with fantasy though that you can't help getting caught up in Altman's love affair with Hollywood.

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Alice in Wonderland (2010)

The problem with Alice in Wonderland is that its interest lies primarily in the computer generated images and not the story (which apes other films like The Golden Compass or the Lord of the Rings trilogy). Helena Bonham Carter is quite good (although her head is most distracting), Anne Hathaway seems a bit lost, Johnny Depp has a lisp that disappears and reappears and Mia Wasikowska is fine although someone might've mentioned to Tim Burton that aging the main character ten years in a beloved children's tale doesn't endear itself to those who know the original (see Diana Ross in The Wiz). It wasn't horrible but it certainly wasn't worth the price of admission either.

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Oliver (1968)

More than forty years after winning the Academy Awards for Best Picture and Best Director (Carol Reed) Oliver is still tuneful, colorful, and frightful. Anchored by commanding performances from Ron Moody and Jack Wild (Oscar nominees), Shani Wallis, Mark Lester (whose singing was dubbed by a girl) and especially Oliver Reed (hired to play the dark, villainous Bill Sykes by his director uncle), it's a wonderful journey to a lost time. It is rather long so turn off all the lights, shut off the phone and put a sign on the door that you are not to be disturbed and lose yourself in Charles Dickens' story of Oliver Twist enhanced with an excellent cachet of songs by Lionel Bart (including It's A Fine Life, As Long As He Needs Me, Who Will Buy, Oom Pah Pah, Consider Yourself, Food Glorious Food, Reviewing The Situation and Pick a Pocket Or Two).

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Cabin Fever (2002)

I'm not sure if Cabin Fever is a metaphor for the AIDS epidemic, a treatise on society's transformation into selfishness or a horror film about a latent skin virus with no ulterior motive but it's interesting nonetheless. It offers the usual inbred redneck hicks, unethical mountain cops and partying college students so is not very original but an appealing cast (including Cheryl Ladd's daughter Jordan) does manage to bring it to life. Eli Roth should be proud of his directorial debut and it does imply one important point we should all remember for the coming viral apocalypse: keep a bottle of Listerine on hand.

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The Kid Stays In The Picture (2002)

In his own words and with clips from the films he produced, Robert Evans tells his own story in The Kid Stays In The Picture. It's a fascinating story with many juicy Hollywood stories and, despite a seemingly huge ego, Evans endears himself. Based on his autobiography, it's one of the few movies I've seen that makes me want to go back and read the book.

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The Funhouse (1981)

The Funhouse is a mundane horror film directed by Tobe Hooper - he of the much less mundane (and much more original) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version). Seven years after the classic Hooper has remained static in his filmmaking knowledge; in fact, he might have lost some precious abilities because this clinker about four kids trapped in a carnival funhouse has no thrills or blood. It's also badly acted except of course for the always-the-same-but-always entertaining Sylvia Miles playing, what else, a prostitute.

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Definitely Maybe (2008)

Definitely Maybe is definitely a wonderfully romantic movie; maybe even one of the best I've seen. Ryan Reynolds and Abigail Breslin have great chemistry as the father (the former) telling his daughter (the latter) the story of how he met her mother (either Elizabeth Banks, Isla Fisher or Rachel Weisz). The story, though not that suspenseful, is endearing and the characters are fleshed out by some nice comic performances especially a small yet pivotal role played by Kevin Kline.

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Call Me Madam (1953)

Ethel Merman pulls out the stops as a pastiche of Groucho Marx and Mae West (while keeping it all Ethel) in Call Me Madam. Ethel, Donald O'Connor, George Sanders [quelle surprise!] and Vera-Ellen sing and dance the hell out of the Irving Berlin songs [What Chance Have I With Love, The International Rag, It's A Lovely Day Today, The Hostess With The Mostes' On The Ball, The Best Thing For You and the phenomenal Merman/O'Connor duet (I Wonder Why) You're Just In Love] which together with the art direction, costumes and exuberance make this film intoxicating. The story line is somewhat slight but it has an emotional core that resonates and, of course, it has the Merm.

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The Ice Storm (1997)

I thought The Ice Storm was going to be a first-rate drama but it all seems very calculated. Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, et al. turn up the heat on the acting skills like it's an important film but aye, there's the rub - everyone is acting. Too much of that heat definitely melted this ice.

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Foxes (1980)

Foxes is an honest (if nothing else) story of how four teenage girls (Jodie Foster, Cherie Currie, Marilyn Kagan, Kandice Stroh) survive against all odds, including drugs, alcohol, boys, abusive or absent fathers and, neglectful or cold mothers (one of the latter played by Sally Kellerman). This was director Adrian Lyne's first film about surviving against all odds (before Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct) and because of its almost documentarian feel works as a time capsule (if nothing else). Music from the film actually took in bigger consumer dollars in 1980 with Donna Summer's huge hit On The Radio, and semi-hits from producer Giorgio Moroder, Cher and Grammy-nominated Janis Ian, played a lot - um - on the radio.

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