District 9 (2009)

What is the deal about District 9 (produced by Peter Jackson for that worth) ? It was sometimes mildly enervating but ultimately not very appealing. I left the theatre twenty five minutes into it I was that bored.

Small Sacrifices (1989)

Even at her best, it is difficult to separate Farrah Fawcett, the icon, from Farrah Fawcett, the actress, but, despite this conundrum, the first fair-haired angel is mesmerizing in Small Sacrifices, based on the true story of Diane Downs who shot three of her children in the hopes of gaining the love of a man. Emily Perkins (a personal favorite due to her appearances in the Ginger Snaps trilogy) and John Shea as her daughter and the prosecuting attorney (respectively) are Fawcett's equal in this intelligently scripted and well-directed television miniseries (that is currently out of print but sending me an email will get you a free copy). Small Sacrifices is three hours long so get your bathroom and kitchen desires out of the way as it is so riveting your ass won't leave the chair.

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The More the Merrier (1943)

You can't go wrong with a picture starring Jean Arthur but The More The Merrier adds the handsomely hunky Joel McCrea and the obligingly ornery Charles Coburn to create an adult (pre-Three's Company) comedy about roommates and love. The classic George Stevens directed the picture (about a housing shortage in World War II era Washington, DC) which, despite its age, still works. Watch for the rooftop scene and the scene where Jean and Joel walk home from their first date - if only they made movies this naively erotic and oddly romantic today!

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Idiocracy (2006)

Idiocracy, a comedy about two people who wake up five hundred years into the future and find our country peopled (and run) by idiots, is not funny but it is sad and prescient. Compare Joe Wilson's recent outburst in the hallowed halls of Congress to the House of Representin' in this film; compare television like Judge Judy and Jerry Springer to the courtroom scene in this film, and compare the current fight over health care reform to Brawndo's takeover of the F.D.A. and the F.C.C in this film and you will see where our country is headed. It does have the sweetness of Luke Wilson and the absolute charms of Maya Rudolph which move it along but Idiocracy is very sad to watch.

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The Golem (1920)

If the story told in The Golem moved any slower it would be running backwards. Despite its reputation as a horror classic and pre-cursor to James Whale's 1931 film Frankenstein, Paul Wegener's (director and monster) film is overwrought, overacted and seemingly anti-Semitic - not surprising as it is, after all, a German silent film. The most interesting things about the film (whose story of reanimation is steeped in Jewish folklore) are its expressionistic sets, the cinematography by Karl Papa Freund, and the similarities it holds with the real time horror classic Pumpkinhead - yes, I wrote Pumpkinhead.

Easy Living (1937)

Easy Living is a genuinely daffy, Preston Sturges-written laugh riot. Jean Arthur as the girl who gets bonked on the head by a sable (or is it kilonsky) fur coat and starts a chain of events that leads to a stock market meltdown demonstrates why she is one of the greatest (albeit underrated) actresses in Hollywood history . Edward Arnold and Ray Milland round out the triumverate exquisitely in this screwball classic that (finally) gave auteur Sturges enough clout to direct the next screenplay he wrote; Hollywood was never the same after that.

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Children of the Night (1991)

Had I ever seen Buffy, The Vampire Slayer I might think Children of the Night is quite like it: a different take on the vampire legend, well made, decent acting and interesting enough to keep you watching. It's also got Karen Black which is a plus. Although it teeters on camp I was surprised at how much I actually enjoyed it - even the poster has camp...I mean, class.

Quarantine (2008)

From the first shot of cutsie reporter Jennifer Carpenter to the next shot of the here-to-fore unseen television news camera man you realize that Quarantine (the remake of [REC] a nail-biting Spanish horror film in which for one, the camera man is never seen) has been homogenized; the former is a problem, the latter not so much. The rest of the movie is almost a scene by scene (as I recall) copy of the original with this unappealing woman at the center and a story that bypasses the religious issues of the original to appease a larger American audience. This is commerce, not art - go with [REC].

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Michael Clayton (2007)

Michael Clayton is an excellently creepy drama about corporate greed with a smartly written, complex story and characters. George Clooney has probably never been better and Tilda Swinton deservedly won an Oscar for her role. The only downside was the unwelcome (but admittedly small) supporting performance from Michael O' Keefe; ironically the second actor in the movie to play a romantic interest to Jackie in the situation comedy Roseanne with Clooney being the first.

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Troop Beverly Hills (1989)

A red-headed Shelley Long is the pampered leader of a bunch of pampered Wilderness Girls in Troop Beverly Hills, an obvious but nonetheless fun fish out of water comedy that seems to have taken on cult status; it came almost two years before the first episode of Beverly Hills 90210. There are no real laugh out loud moments and Long's character is just a jump away from Diane in Cheers but somehow it works - maybe its the outlandish Beverly Hills clothing that Phyllis Nefler wears or watching her Do The Freddie in high heels or getting soused on Evian water. Betty Thomas and Mary Gross add to the tension (or lack thereof) as the villains, and the Cookie Time rap is classic in a family B-movie sort of way.

Vantage Point (2008)

Everyone in Vantage Point is trying really hard to make this an important movie but in the end it spends too much time literally rewinding and rehashing the same story from a different camera angle. Ridiculous plot elements (like overweight Forrest Whitaker keeping up with, and recording, the Secret Service as they chase the bad guys or Dennis Quaid emerging unscathed from a horrendous car crash) add to the overall mediocrity of this Run, Lola, Run (which it kind of, maybe, resembles) knock-off. Ultimately, the movie lacks any complexity and the ending is a lot of Hollywood nothing.

Party Wire (1935)

Party Wire is pure, unadulterated Jean Arthur as illustrated by her line to the bank president upon being fired from her job: Don't worry. Christmas is coming. Maybe your wife will give you a dog collar. The story concerns small town gossips (who get their information from the telephonic party line) and, surprisingly, apes the much later written and produced Harper Valley PTA. The movie is well made and somewhat unusual with a cautionary conclusion that is still relevant today.

Public Hero #1 (1935)

Cutie (especially when his hair is messed) Chester Morris is Public Hero #1 after he goes undercover to stop the Purple Gang from marauding the country. The exquisite Jean Arthur enters the melee as the sister of the gang's leader and G-man love interest. The movie is very dated but it is interesting how they made the criminal a hero post motion picture code - and, of course, I do love me some Jean Arthur!

Ghost Town (2008)

The best thing about Ghost Town is seeing a romance between a man (Ricky Gervais) and a woman (Tea Leoni) that is not marred with the thought that there is a twenty year age difference between the two - Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt being the most glaring example of that. The movie starts out at a snail's pace but ultimately speeds to a somewhat more athletic snail's pace in spite of the story's mediocrity. It's not the worst way to spend two hours but its not the best either.

Bonneville (2006)

Joan Allen, Kathy Bates, and especially Jessica Lange (who is heart-breaking in her role) are the triumvirate who give Bonneville its gas. These actresses bring the laughs and tears to this story about a road trip across country with an urn of cremated remains. It's not the most original movie I've ever seen but it's sweetly life-affirming and well done.

The Stork Club (1945)

Betty Hutton and Barry Fitzgerald are pure charm in this quaint tale of a hat check girl at The Stork Club and the millionaire whose life she saves. Hutton sings a few songs that became hits [including Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief and I'm Just a Square (In a Social Circle)] and lights up the screen comically. The love angle between Hutton and Don DeFore (yes, Hazel's boss) is a throwaway but Fitzgerald's waltz with Mary Young more than makes up for it.


See this movie for free online.

...Sweet Charity (1969)

There's something about this film version of the musical Sweet Charity that is just oft-putting although I'm not sure if it is the overproduction, Charity's overdesperation, or the film's overlength. Shirley MacLaine as the titular dance hall hostess is only middling and tends to grate as the film reaches it's denouement. The classic soundtrack (including Big Spender, If My Friends Could See Me Now, There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This, et. al.) is incredible but, like the movie poster pictured, the movie itself is just wonderful musical segments (directed and choreographed by Bob Fosse, no less) stitched together by an unsatisfying, confusing and outdated story.

...They (2002)

They is presented by Wes Craven as a horror film but with no real thrills where's the horror? The story, about children and their adult selves with night terrors, apes the much better Darkness Falls and becomes more annoying as it wears on. The PG-13 rating doesn't help because with no story and no blood and guts I ask again, where's the horror?

...Back to School (1986)

Rodney Dangerfield hits one out of the park in this classic comedy about a rich man who goes Back to School with his college freshman son. It is pure Dangerfield as the self-deprecating one-liners come so fast and furious that if you laugh, you might miss one. Sally Kellerman, a young Robert Downey, Jr. and Oingo Boingo add romance, quirk and music respectively but I'm telling you, don't laugh.

...The Rocker (2008)

Beginning with a wafer-thin premise, The Rocker does bring some genuine laughs after YouTube enters the mix although it inexplicably drops the viral video MacGuffin after it has served its one purpose. Rainn Wilson is Jack Black, Christina Applegate a 21st century Jean Arthur, and the high schoolers that make up Wilson's band A.D.D. are suitably nerdy, emo and angry in this (almost) Capra-esque take on a wronged rock drummer who gets a second chance at success. It plays a little to close to This is Spinal Tap at times but emotions do swell (a little) when things are righted - which is not a spoiler in this type of movie.

...Island of the Dead (2000)

Island of the Dead is a direct to DVD release with a fascinating concept and not much execution. Despite the title there are no zombies - only flies (a la The Swarm) that protect the dead on New York's Hart Island, a real island east of the Bronx which is a cemetery for the unknown corpses that pile up in the Big Apple. The movie plods along rather slowly but I did finish it and am now dying to go to Hart Island although this was not filmed there and the general public is not allowed.

...Mirrors (2008)

Alejandre Aja is a master storyteller and filmmaker, and Mirrors, a horror film about mirrors that kill, is intriguing despite some blatant plot holes and an inconsistent ending. Mostly the concept, ripped off from a Korean film called Into The Mirror, drew me in and kept me guessing. After Haute Tension and the remake of The Hills Have Eyes, this Keifer Sutherland picture keeps me on the Aja train.

...The Most Dangerous Game (1932)

With scenes of (Leslie Banks as) a hunter preying on human game, it's easy to see how The Most Dangerous Game was a shocking and controversial film in its day. Although it still contains some great camera work and effects (the film makers went on to create King Kong in 1933), in today's era of torture porn, the punch given the last half of the film seems more silly than horrific. Joel McCrea and Fay Wray fight and scream (respectively) well enough but not enough to capture today's most dangerous game...the 21st century audience.

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...Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)

Night of the Living Dead 3D is a badly lit Russian nesting doll reimagining that adds a reason for the zombie attacks as well as Sid Haig (the lead psycho from Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses) in the type of creeper role at which he excels. Most of the other actors are terrible (excepting Brianna Brown as Barb) and the filmmakers cop out on the flesh eating scenes although they try hard to make it an homage by interspersing clips from the hallowed original in to the mix. But, unless they made ka-jillions of dollars (which would be hard to imagine much less reimagine), I can't understand why this was made; it certainly was not in three dimensions when I saw it.

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...The Swarm (1978)

OMG, it's took me nine months to get through Irwin Allen's all star bee fest The Swarm. The movie veers from interesting to camp as illustrated by a genuinely touching scene in which Slim Pickens' (in his only appearance) and Henry Fonda give first rate performances coupled with the groan-worthy groan of Golden Girl Olivia De Havilland at the school window as she watches the children get stung to death. At almost three hours, The Swarm is just too dull for its length; even stars like Michael Caine, Katherine Ross, Richard Widmark, Patty Duke, and Lee Grant (and some good explosions if you disregard the denouement) made it barely watchable over the gestation period I gave it.

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