The Crowded Sky (1960)

In The Crowded Sky (based on the best-selling novel) every woman is a self-described tramp (except Hollis Irving as the virginal dog) and every man has a non-sexual flaw (except Keenan Wynn as the lothario). All of these peccadilloes are revealed in the first 90 minutes of the film which is followed by an exciting mid-air plane crash and its consequences. The crowd is populated by Rhonda Fleming, Anne Francis, Patsy Kelly, Troy Donahue, John Kerr, Dana Andrews and Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. (the latter two switching the pilot roles they played 15 years later in Airport 1975) but too many flashbacks and voiceovers make this precursor to the disaster films of the 70s unintentionally funny until the nicely filmed denouement.

---

...Skyjacked (1972)

There are so many missteps in Skyjacked, a tensionless thriller about the hijacking of a passenger jetliner to Moscow, that I am listing a few:

1. The passengers are told they are being hijacked because of a bomb and they just sit - no screams, no cries
   


2. Yvette Mimieux as head stewardess makes a comment about it just being a bomb
   


3. The voice of character actor John Fiedler, very well-known for his high-pitch, is dubbed by someone with a lower range
   


4. Mariette Hartley gives birth naturally on the plane with no pain killers and, again, no screams


5. James Brolin's use of the word nigger twice and Rosey Grier's acceptance of it
   

Sure, this list might be considered more than three lines (even though I opted to use no periods - which grammatically you can do) but I wanted to make clear that this self-titled Cult Camp Classic is neither classic nor campy nor surrounded by cultish viewers; it's just bad.

...Poseidon (2006)

Yes, it's got a big, fuckin' wave; yes, a ship turns over on New Year's Eve; and yes, some make it and others don't but, those similarities aside, Poseidon, the 2006 remake of the 1974 adventure, is predictably void of anything resembling the excitement or originality of the original. It settles for Emmy Rossum as a vapid, prattle-on girl, Kurt Russell as her annoyingly right-wingesque father, and Richard Dreyfuss - ridiculous as a fussbudget, wimp of a gay man on the verge of suicide (shades of Boys in the Band) that I would like to murder myself. Although watching Josh Lucas doing his best Gene Hackman impersonation alarmingly made the trip almost palatable, I'd still rather see Maureen McGovern (singing The Morning After) than Stacy Ferguson (aka Fergie) doing her shtick with whatever piece of crap was put in front of her.