...Superman Returns (2006)

Superman Returns is none-too intelligently plotted and excruciatingly long; in fact, Superman returns so many times that it seems like he never leaves. Brandon Routh as Superman is a clone of Christopher Reeve, and Kate Bosworth is miscast (and seems hopelessly lost) as Lois Lane; if only Parker Posey, who plays Kevin Spacey's villanous sidekick, had been hired for that role! That said, I must admit, there were times towards the end when the bombasticisms of the soaring Superman theme and the simplicity of the plot came together allowing me one or two teary-eyed moments - but it was a hell of a time getting there.

...Creepshow (1982)

How do you rate a movie that is comprised of five different stories, directed by one George A. Romero and written by another Stephen King? If it's Creepshow with its vacillating quality, none too highly. The creepiest story is Something To Tide You Over with Ted Danson and Leslie Nielson and the showiest is The Crate with Hal Holbrook and Adrienne Barbeau so it would behoove you to fast-forward to these sections.

...Hellboy (2004)

Hellboy, based on the comic book of the same name, would be a good movie if it weren't for the rail-thin premise on which director Guillermo del Toro hangs the good acting and great special effects. At times the story bears on the ridiculous and the much-touted humor - espoused in a vacuum by Ron Perlman (as the titular freak) - is predictable and none too funny. I was more tuned in by the end when the story was more about good and evil (with a little love) but I could never get away from the inane Nazi theme.

...300 (2006)

Every frame of 300 looks like the panel from a graphic novel - most probably because the movie is based on Frank Miller's graphic novel and it lllllooooovvveessss slow motion. 300 also loves violence, painted indoor scenes made to look like the outdoors and barely-clothed male warriors with computer-enhanced abs. Although Zack Snyder, who did the excellent remake of Dawn of the Dead, directed this very dark movie (and I mean that literally), if you are not looking for quick self-gratification or are not a video game or comic book aficionado, you might just want to pass this one up.