The Lords Of Salem (2012)

Rob Zombie has tried, with The Lords of Salem, to make a movie you can take grandma to see. To be sure we're talking teen birth grandmas but this story of Salem witches, a somewhat bizarro mashup of Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby and Mario Bava's Black Sunday, is an attempt on the director's part to stretch as a filmmaker, make something less horrific and broaden his audience. The jury is out on the latter because the movie's just not consistently interesting OR scary (although a great game of guessing the actors not seen in decades did help pass the time: Meg Foster, Dee Wallace and sweet holy mother of god academy on i love jesus street Judy Geeson aka Miss Pamela Dare).

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...Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)

Night of the Living Dead 3D is a badly lit Russian nesting doll reimagining that adds a reason for the zombie attacks as well as Sid Haig (the lead psycho from Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses) in the type of creeper role at which he excels. Most of the other actors are terrible (excepting Brianna Brown as Barb) and the filmmakers cop out on the flesh eating scenes although they try hard to make it an homage by interspersing clips from the hallowed original in to the mix. But, unless they made ka-jillions of dollars (which would be hard to imagine much less reimagine), I can't understand why this was made; it certainly was not in three dimensions when I saw it.

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