Coma (2012)

There was no reason to remake the 1978 movie of the 1977 book Coma because, though a groundbreaking theme in the 70s, torture porn has pretty much made organ theft a mundane topic. This mundanity, a pedestrian script and some (less than ground-breaking) CGI leave you nothing but Ellen Burstyn claiming These are mah babies. This one's Chinese. And this one is a mulatto. And although her part is a supporting role, it is ALWAYS a pleasure to watch Ellen Burstyn.

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...Poseidon (2006)

Yes, it's got a big, fuckin' wave; yes, a ship turns over on New Year's Eve; and yes, some make it and others don't but, those similarities aside, Poseidon, the 2006 remake of the 1974 adventure, is predictably void of anything resembling the excitement or originality of the original. It settles for Emmy Rossum as a vapid, prattle-on girl, Kurt Russell as her annoyingly right-wingesque father, and Richard Dreyfuss - ridiculous as a fussbudget, wimp of a gay man on the verge of suicide (shades of Boys in the Band) that I would like to murder myself. Although watching Josh Lucas doing his best Gene Hackman impersonation alarmingly made the trip almost palatable, I'd still rather see Maureen McGovern (singing The Morning After) than Stacy Ferguson (aka Fergie) doing her shtick with whatever piece of crap was put in front of her.